No matter whether you are single or in a relationship now, you are reading this article because you desire a healthy relationship. Be aware, we are not talking about a unicorn-amazing relationship that makes you feel on cloud nine one day and puts you down right away.
What is a healthy relationship? There are so many notions of this term, but the best notion that we have highlighted for myself would be “Two independent individuals who engage in physical and emotional contact, support each other, and don’t interfere with each other’s freedom.”
Freedom is essential in any relationship and has nothing to do with betrayal. Freedom is quite a versatile notion, and we are going to discuss it in this article later.
Moreover, here you will discover not vague but vivid characteristics of a healthy relationship and how to make it last. Keep reading and make sure you make a mental note of some of the best hacks. Spoiler: you will need to remember this.
How to get into a relationship?
When kids, we are taught many basic things. Then we move to college and cram various objects just to get the job of our dreams (the best-case scenario). However, no one ever taught us how to build relationships and, most importantly, how to have a healthy relationship. It is rather weird to throw people out in the dating water and let them drown in stereotypical illusions.
Luckily, the Internet is filled with dating blogs and videos. Moreover, psychologists publish books on relationships using surveys and essential experiments.
Why do people want to get into a relationship?
- They would love to share intimate and emotional moments, support someone, and positively affect somebody’s well-being.
- They are affected by other happy couples and feel the desire to go with the flow.
- Their relatives, friends, and others can push them into this path (the worst case).
If you belong to the first reason, congratulations, you are already a person who is capable of healthy relationships.
There are two major ways to get into a relationship: offline and online. Most people now opt for the second way since it broadens their dating horizons. You can go to a dating website and find a girl outside your country and even build a serious bond with her.
Online way is safer, easier, and time and money-saving. These are good strategies to get into a relationship online and then move to the offline level:
- Create an enticing profile on the dating platform with high-quality photos of you. Avoid photos with friends.
- Search for the desired girl via search filters on the dating platform.
- Message to a couple of girls. Here is the trick: start a message with a question. Girls often get texts with compliments, which is great but primitive. Google an engaging question and break the ice.
- After one-two weeks of messaging, switch to audio or video calls. Yeah, some women are repelled by calls because messages seem to be so safe but believe me, it upgrades the communication, and once the girl gets used to you, you will get her to a real date faster.
- Set up a real date. Fly to her country or drive to another city (if she lives closer). If it’s warm outside, go to the park instead of an indoor café and have a picnic.Before the date, try to ask a girl about things she likes doing. If she’s a movie lover, then take her to the movies. Don’t forget to learn more about this girl instead of gushing about yourself.
- If after 2–3 months, your communication is on a good flow, then congrats, you are in the relationship.
How to make a relationship healthy?
Relationship advice for men comes from society, and sometimes they are too stereotypical. An average male is convinced that a woman seeks a wealthy guy with a car and a huge apartment. This guy makes a ton of money, so his girlfriend or wife no longer needs to work and develop as a personality.
The sentences mentioned above are good examples of unhealthy relationships. Unfortunately, they are still stuck in our culture. We can even notice them in many soap operas or famous movies. He comes from work, she prepares dinner for him. And the terrible thing is a lot of mothers raise their daughters in this way, depriving them of the opportunity to understand a different side of the relationship.
Now, be attentive because here are 5 signs of a healthy relationship. Want to know how to make a relationship last? Then incorporate these signs into your life.
Sign #1 She doesn’t depend on you
Yeah, we know you were said to be the breadwinner of the family. But being a breadwinner and a controlling breadwinner is a different thing. Never convince a woman to stop working and pretending to be a happy housewife. All you can do is assure her that you can take care of her well-being and you can pay for the basic things for her. That’s it. This is the freedom a healthy relationship needs. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t have to lose herself because you can pay for her “life.” You help her if she needs it or asks you for it but under no circumstances even hint at the idea of her leaving a job. Your wife should be an independent woman who, in the case of a breakup, can take care of herself.
Sign #2 You and she can be friends with anyone you want
Sounds childish and primitive to you? It is scary to realize that most relationships built on stereotypical ideas make both men and women controlling and jealous. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of cases where spouses forbid their partners to have certain friends. A jealous husband would not let his wife go to the café with her girlfriends since a lot of men could stare at her. A jealous wife would not allow her husband to meet buddies at the football match because she was sure they would float to a strip bar instead. This often happens with a lack of trust and low self-esteem. Those friends should not bother you unless they are junkies, alcoholics, or abuse your partner.
Sign #3 You discuss your problems like adults
Aggressive fights, never-ending compromises, conflicts—people say these are things to look for in a relationship. Nonetheless, in a healthy relationship, there is no space for such things. Instead, there is a space for communication where you calmly tell each other about your feelings toward some issue and both look for ways to solve the problem. Conflicts and compromises are effective only when you discuss them instead of shouting them out loud. Therefore, talk to each other and avoid insults. Never insult a person who loves you, and never allow that person to insult you.
Sign #4 No financial and physical violence
Healthy relationships break a lot of myths about allegedly proper attitudes to a partner. Unfortunately, violence is still perpetuating in many relationships.
- Financial. It was a tad mentioned. You tell your wife not to go to work with a promise to make enough money for both of you. Solution: Be prepared to financially maintain your spouse without depriving her of career development. It should be her decision to quit a job or look for another job. If you both agreed to support her financially completely because she consented to quit her job, then do not control fiercely the amount of money she is spending.
- Physical. It occurs during impulsive aggression towards the spouse. Both men and women can be abusers who threaten or attack the other. Solution: Try to calm yourself down without threatening your spouse or head to a specialist if you can’t control your violence.
Sign #5 No emotional violence
Relationship advice for men rarely mentions emotional violence. We often become victims of emotional violence without even knowing that. Emotional violence involves controlling a partner by using emotions to blame, shame, embarrass, or manipulate the other one. Gaslighting is a popular term that indicates manipulation when a partner makes the other partner question his or her sanity. For example, a husband gave a slap to his wife and then kept denying it happened. In a healthy relationship, gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse are catastrophic.
Solution: Never try to belittle your beloving partner with the help of unhealthy manipulations, especially on purpose. In case you notice signs of gaslighting and other emotional abuse on you, then talk to your couple about it. If she or he denies it, starts making fun of you, or uses any other insulting emotion, make conclusions and eliminate this person from your life.
The bottom line
It is easy to get into a relationship, but you need to fight tooth and nail to keep them sustainable and healthy. You don’t need to ask yourself how to be in a relationship but instead look for ways to find a compatible person who is ready to share common interests, values, and goals with you. Healthy relationships include financial, emotional, and physical independence. As adults, you should be ready to discuss your problems without using offensive or coarse language. Remember, unhealthy dependence is called obsession and not love. Obsession is not common for healthy relationships, but independence is.